As you already know, I have stress issues. I might have anxiety issues too, but I don't know for sure. I've always been a really emotional person, sometimes commercials that are sad make me cry. But I would also cry a lot during softball, I was just scared. What if I messed up and caused the team to lose?
But I kept going, my parents thought I loved it and were mostly just annoyed at how I would be battling tears when I made a mistake. I grew up with this sport, I know everything about it, and I was good at it. My best softball friend was the coaches daughter and our dads were co coaches and friends. Sydney and I had been friends sense preschool, were awesome buddies. She grew out of it, but she used to be kind of mean, bad talking people including me. I have some bad stories from those dang softball girls. I might as well tell you one.
Selanie. That was her name. She was one of Sydney's best friends. I never really understood her. Well we met probably when I was... Ten. I wasn't particularly attractive back then, not that I think I am now. I had a huge (literally huge) gap between my teeth, thick, tangled hair, a mustache(I have a pretty hairy family), and ears that stick out a little too much ( it runs in the family, my dad and my cousins had to get surgery for it). So all in all, I was an ugly little kid. Selanie thought it was funny or maybe she didn't understand how such a small statement could rot in my brain for all eternity and cause so many tears. It was simple stuff like "why do you have such anoticeable mustache?" And "why is there a weird gap between your teeth?" And such. And then it got worse, I hear her say something like or about me in a bad way to Sydney, my friend, and Sydney and selanie looked at me and laughed.
But that's behind me. And so are other softball memories. Like all of the strikeouts and the crying, the mistakes I made at shortstop, and all of the great things that I did. Before I knew it I was on all stars. I was mostly outfield but I lived it out there, in all stars that's where the ball was mostly hit.
I remember playing right field at states, we needed to win this game to go to nationals. The score was close, last inning, they were up to bat. And then all of the sudden someone hit a ball to shallow right field, the girl on third base ran home, nobody expected is catch it. I sprinted to the ball, it was one Of those zen moments. When you play a sport so long it becomes like a reflex, and then sometime in it you reach a point where you go through it in slow motion, you're almost unconscious, it just happens. It's really hard to describe. But I almost dove for it, it was in my glove and I needed to keep it there so I collapsed and rolled on the ground, hugging my glove to my body. The girl that was running home ran back to third base, I stood up all in one beautiful motion from my roll and I threw the ball home, perfect throw to the catcher, stopping a run from being scored. That was one of the best moments of my life. Sometimes I wish I didn't quit.
Yeah, sometimes if was good, but other times it was bad. I couldn't take the pressure anymore, we were getting older and it was getting tougher, more intense, the coaches would count the errors in each game. Three was too many. I wanted it to be fun but it wasn't. I was so afraid to fail that I gave up. I left all of the countless friends I had made, all of the countless memories made. Why did I give it up.
It's too late to join back up, and I don't know if I can take it, I got worse in my afraid to fail sense. What I'm trying to tell you it that don't let anything hold you back. You truly can follow your dreams and do whatever you want to. Never give up.
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