I wasn't crying just because I wouldn't see sarah for a long time. I was cryin because seeing someone like her cry like that breaks my heart. I was crying because I had been holding it back for days, weeks, months. I was crying because Jeffrey would never like me. I was crying because Alanna is always so much better. I was crying because I didn't get a medal in anything for Science Olympiad. I was crying because I've been taking that event for three years and I still didn't finish the freaking test and of course I didn't place. I was crying because Ashly is so perfect. I was crying because Celeste was wearing Josh's jacket. I was crying because life is a lie. I was crying because I'm tired of saying that I'm okay. I was crying because I couldn't take it anymore. I was crying because Nick was trying to comfort me. I was crying because Jeffrey didn't even seem to give a shit about sarah and I crying. I was crying because I'm just done. 

i know i know they said "if it doesn't put food in your stomach, a roof over your head, or love in your heart, than it doesn't matter." In my opinion that is just an emotionless life. You can't follow guidelines like these and limit your life, limit your happiness and your emotions in general. Everything matters. Everything happens for a reason. You can't just do what they tell you to do. They are all _lying_ do you realize that? They tell us go to college! They tell us get a job! They tell us we are free. They tell us we need an education. They limit our education, they set these stinking guidelines for everything, our whole life depends on how well we do with what they want of us! If anything doesn't matter. Than it THEIR STUPID IDEAS. The standards of todays society _discust_ me. How do we listen to these people? How do we let them run our lives? There are so many possibilities, but we just listen to them because we don't know better! well KNOW BETTER. They don't have the right to punish you or limit you and make you tell them everything. Why do we just give into them! I'm done. I'm just done. I don't know anybody! I just realized that I have NO FRIENDS. I can't be myself around anybody. All I want to do is hurt and cry. I am a nobody. I'm not who I want to be. I tried so hard, I've been trying for my whole life and I'm still not there I can't do it I'll never be the person that i want to be, the person that people will never forget.