i know i know they said "if it doesn't put food in your stomach, a roof over your head, or love in your heart, than it doesn't matter." In my opinion that is just an emotionless life. You can't follow guidelines like these and limit your life, limit your happiness and your emotions in general. Everything matters. Everything happens for a reason. You can't just do what they tell you to do. They are all _lying_ do you realize that? They tell us go to college! They tell us get a job! They tell us we are free. They tell us we need an education. They limit our education, they set these stinking guidelines for everything, our whole life depends on how well we do with what they want of us! If anything doesn't matter. Than it THEIR STUPID IDEAS. The standards of todays society _discust_ me. How do we listen to these people? How do we let them run our lives? There are so many possibilities, but we just listen to them because we don't know better! well KNOW BETTER. They don't have the right to punish you or limit you and make you tell them everything. Why do we just give into them! I'm done. I'm just done. I don't know anybody! I just realized that I have NO FRIENDS. I can't be myself around anybody. All I want to do is hurt and cry. I am a nobody. I'm not who I want to be. I tried so hard, I've been trying for my whole life and I'm still not there I can't do it I'll never be the person that i want to be, the person that people will never forget.

Sad.

I'm just really sad at this point. I'm fat ugly and stupid. 

I'm just kind of done. 

Sorry

I'm sorry 

Battle scars

     Well I did it again. I probably won't do it ever ever again but I cut again. Nobody even noticed, but that's a good thing. Nobody notices how broken I am. 

     I wore my watch on my left wrist with my bracelets and hair ties to cover it up. I feel like the cuts represent my worries, stress, issues,weaknesses, and everything I hide. When they're not covered up, I feel anxious and vulnerable.   But it's Okays. 

    Sarah asked to borrow one of my hair ties  today and I had a half-a-second panic attack wondering what I should do, and ended up pretending like it was no big deal and with it covered I took a hair tie off and gave it to her. I adjusted the other one to cover. Ashly had a bandaid on the side of her wrist. She told me she had cut and I freaked out, which is why I'll tell no one. But her Mom called her an f-ing b***. I didn't tell Ashly about me because I thought it might compel her to do it again. 

     Ashly asked me for a hairtie also when we were going out to PE. My watch would have to be my last protection, so I made up an excuse and said no. I eventually gave it to her. I survived. 

     But I want to tell you people to never ever cut yourself. You are so beautiful! I'm working on it myself and I think imma be Okays. 

I have so much to say

Soososososooo much idk where to start. 

Ugh

I don't know what to do. 

Looking forward

In basic Ed on Friday my teacher showed us this documentary about Toms shoes and, you know, they're one-for-one program. It showed the guys on their journey of giving out the shoes in the third-world country. They went through so much to get there and they got down and dirty for the cause. I cried while watching it because I want to be like that.

    I want to be known. I want to change the world. I want me parents to be proud of me. But I look around and my teacher asked for people to share times they've helped out in such a way an I hear all of the great things that my classmates have done. I felt... Pointless. I haven't song anything. I wanted to do something. Something inside me yearned for it, not the credit. 

       But what to do? I could travel the world and educate children! Or I could be like Oprah. Or I could 

Oh my gosh. Aksijdjskakxnd ill continue this post later but life just got really complicated in the past five seconds.......